the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
