new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
two words...techno handjob
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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