wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
