happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
