he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
