I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize