Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
