Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
