What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
