MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
