Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
