He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Are we still banned from the library?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
