haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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