Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm getting married
To pizza
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
