so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
