Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
