im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
