the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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