i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I love you.
Bad choice
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