She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
