Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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