lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
