i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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