i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
