I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
