i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My penis needs a shock collar
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
