i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
