When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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