Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
