dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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