he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
