Don't you send me to vm
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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