idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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