you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
