i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
