So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
