Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
