It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
