hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
my liver is dry heaving
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
