Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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