Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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