Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
