Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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