Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
