i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
