First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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