idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
