so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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