maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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