somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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