I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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