he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
