I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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