I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize