I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
