i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
