If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
