you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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