Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
