I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
