im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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