he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
