She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
