I will die if light touches me.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
BRING THE BAGELS
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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