did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
