theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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