I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
