Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize