I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
