i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
