Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
