Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
