Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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