why didn't you poke me back
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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