you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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