your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So many bounce houses so little time
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize