ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
