My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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