Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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