I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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