Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
