You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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