matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
