That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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