I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize