some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I understand Curling. That high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
