is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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