The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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