I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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