WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
