I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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