dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
