i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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