in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
