I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The Olympian is in my bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
