All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
