God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
