I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
