Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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