I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
