I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
