How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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