and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
